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Lucy Bare

The Holiday Magic Begins with You


As the holiday season quickly approaches, I am reminiscent of the tale of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. The tale always reminds me that our daily experiences are influenced by our past, present, and hopeful future choices. We are constantly faced with a host of challenges in our lives. As you glimpse into the mirror of your childhood, you may find unmet expectations, needs or pain. We may not be consciously aware of some of our personal challenges, but these foundational patterns and roots can be unearthed. While we may not be able to alter other people’s errant behavior or how we have been treated, we still have the freedom to take responsibility for our own attitudes. Self-reflection is an opportunity to understand why we express ourselves as we do, especially during the pressurized holiday season. Our wounds take time, patience, and compassion to heal.


A Christmas Carol tells the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, a mean -spirited, selfish man with a strong disdain for Christmas. One Christmas Eve, Scrooge is visited by the spirit of his departed partner Jacob, who pleads with him to change his miserly and unkind ways. Jacob announces that three spirits will visit Scrooge over each of the next nights.


On the first night, the Ghost of Christmas Past escorts Scrooge on a journey through his previous Christmases. Scrooge revisits his childhood school days, his apprenticeship with a jolly merchant named Fezziwig, and his engagement to Belle, a woman who leaves Scrooge because of his eclipsing lust for money. Scrooge is deeply moved and tearful with regret on revisiting his past.

The following night Scrooge is visited by the Ghost of Christmas Present, a majestic giant clad in a green fur robe. The ghost takes Scrooge through the streets of London to unveil Christmas as it will happen during that year. Scrooge watches the large, bustling Cratchit family prepare a feast in their simple home. Here Tiny Tim, Bob Cratchit's courageous disabled son, warms Scrooge's heart with his kindness. The spirit then dashes Scrooge to his nephew’s home to witness the Christmas party he decided not to attend. Scrooge is delighted by the happy gathering and pleads with the spirit to let him stay until the very end of the festivities. The Ghost of Christmas Present had grown tired by this time, and decided to remind Scrooge of his difficult childhood and lonely Christmases. He shows Scrooge two starved children, Ignorance and Want, living under his coat. The memories of hie childhood made Scrooge hate Christmas as an adult. He is suddenly aware of this and the things that have prevented him from enjoying Christmas.


On the third night, Scrooge is visited by the Ghost of Christmas Yet to come. Scrooge experiences the anguish he has caused to others by his lifetime of unkind ways. The tale ends with Scrooge returning to his present self, equipped with the knowledge of how to transform his own life and grateful for the opportunity to redeem himself.


Have you ever wondered why you find the holiday season so stressful? Perhaps you dread any special occasion, unable to relax and simply enjoy the celebration? We may not have spirits dropping by to remind us of the past, present or future; but days where it all progressed in the direction of unease, uncertainty and we just wanted the day to be over. We may find ourselves questioning our behaviour on these days, later feeling sadness and regret around our actions in the stressful scenario. Our behaviour in these moments is more akin to a reflex, unfolding in ways based on our past encounters. The accumulation of these feelings is compounded each time we re-experience similar events, leading to self-defeating inner talk that becomes the block between our true purpose and dreams.


The reality of our human condition is that we are in a constant state of growth. We may experience disappointment during the short fall of our ideals. We encounter losses or make mistakes. Introspection is a safe way to understand, forgive and accept, instead of loathing and reacting to a past situation. By confronting our feelings of anger and resentment, we are faced with a choice to release them. With self-compassion we can embrace ourselves with a sense of respect and connectedness, while finding ways to accept the changes that are necessary to address our struggles. Having self-compassion means that you will be kind, non-judgmental and understanding of yourself. It is also an opportunity to remind our inner child that we are loved, heard, deserving, grateful for persevering through difficult times, and that we do not need to be the unkind Scrooge to our current self. Loving our inner child helps us remember our innocence and makes us recognize how lovable we are.


“To love ourselves, we must first learn to love the little person inside all of us. The little boy or girl that didn’t get loved the way they should, that didn’t feel safe on the dark nights, and lived in fear that they would never be good enough. We must hold that little person close to us, pull them on our laps and whisper in their ears, “everything will be ok, for I am here now, and I will never leave.” And when we do that, we will become the love for ourselves we never had.”

Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird


I wish you a happy holiday season! I hope that you will make time to do all things that bring you much joy.


Sending you much, much love

Lucy




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